


Talk Nerdy to Me

by JehBeeEh



Series: Tony Stark Bingo - MIV [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Cyber Security, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Language Barrier, M/M, Sorta kinda, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Technology, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27517954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehBeeEh/pseuds/JehBeeEh
Summary: Steve learns the basics of cyber security thanks to Tony, who maybe learns a bit more about Captain America as a result...
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Bingo - MIV [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981225
Comments: 37
Kudos: 168
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo Mark IV





	Talk Nerdy to Me

**Author's Note:**

> MASSIVE thank you to Corsets_and_Cardigans for pointing out thissilly idea was so perfect for this prompt. And a huge kudos to Thirstinart for her gorgeous art, which kinda made it's way and set the scene for this fic. Seriously, you are both amazing and I love you, and I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> Tina's art: https://thirstinart.tumblr.com/post/632971176149499904/steve-vs-the-ipad-tony-warned-him-a-starkpad 
> 
> TSB Prompt info:  
> Name of Piece: Talk Nerdy to Me  
> Card Number: 4058  
> Name of Participant: JehBeeEh  
> Square Number: T2 - Foreign Language  
> Rating: Teen+  
> Pairing: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers  
> Warning: N/A  
> Summary: Steve learns the basics of cyber security thanks to Tony, who maybe learns a bit more about Captain America as a result...  
> WC: 2374

“I’m pretty sure what you just called me isn’t a compliment,” Steve answered pointedly as Tony groaned again.

“It isn't an insult. It is how we refer to people like you in this context Steve,” Tony reiterated, pinching the bridge of his nose. He took yet another long, measured breath. “Whales are people who are targeted for cyber attacks, but the person trying to get you _knows_ you are loaded or have access to lots of sensitive info, so you’d be a hell of a catch to extort. That is what whaling means in this context.”

Steve nodded slowly. “That why it's called spear phishing instead of just regular phishing?”

“Not exactly, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s all interconnected.” Tony smiled softly as he settled in front of Steve, leaning against the desk.

He had made it his personal mission to teach Steve about technology through the ages, which had been a challenge but also meant he spent more time with the man. It was a win-win in his mind, really. Steve had caught on to some parts of technology fairly quickly. Others… not so much.

Somehow, getting used to JARVIS had been easy – something Tony thought would need some selling. He'd even gone so far as blocking the AI from Steve's floor unless there was an emergency at first, to make Steve more comfortable. It took two days before Steve asked why his floor was the only one where JARVIS wasn’t accessible. When Tony had explained what was going on Steve had seemed genuinely touched by the gesture.

Computers had been a bit harder, but Steve had gotten the hang of those too, even though many peripherals had to be replaced in that first month. They didn’t exactly make them super soldier-proof. At least, not until Tony got involved. Steve once again had seemed so grateful as he walked out of the workshop with his new keyboard and mouse – which he happily tried to crush at Tony’s request, and saw were in fact, indestructible.

Tablets and phones, for some unknown reason were still the bane of Steve's existence. Pointing out that the average 3-year-old could operate devices with little to no instructions had not done Tony any favours either.

Even harder to explain than the technology itself had been the concept of proper cyber hygiene. Some parts, again, Steve took too more easily than the average person – unique and complex passwords and passphrases? Check (thank you eidetic memory). Don’t use public Wifi? Done (he couldn't figure out for the life of him how to turn it on anyways). Don’t click on every damn link and pop up? That's where it started to get dicey.

Steve had understood the general concepts of hacking, thanks to Natasha having to do it on more than one occasion around him. The spy game switching to the digital world seemed logical once he saw just how interconnected everything was. What Steve didn’t get was why they’d go after everyday people. The first time Steve had dealt with it was a telemarketing scam.

_“Tony? Why is this person calling me to tell me there's problems with the tower windows?”_

They were in the workshop, Steve had stopped by to ask about suit upgrades, which had devolved into an hour-long chat spanning every topic under the sun when the call had come. Tony had been thoroughly confused and taken the phone from Steve only to realize it was a computer phishing scam. Tony had promptly replaced Steve's SHIELD issued phone with one of his own, complete with JARVIS integrated so these calls never reached him. He’d also upgraded Steve’s tablet at the same time, which seemed to have helped Steve’s handling of the device at least a bit (take _that_ Apple!).

Then, the random emails had started popping up, which was when the awkward conversation about phishing campaigns had taken place.

_“Why are they scamming people like that?” Steve had exclaimed, utterly appalled at the notion._

_“Because people are easy targets? It’s the digital equivalent of pickpockets I guess is the easiest way to explain it. With a couple pieces of information, you can steal someone's identity, their savings, their personal info. Throw ransomware in, and people get desperate for family pictures and important data to be back… Sadly, it’s really easy to con people, Steve.”_

The look on Steve's face at the realization people were losing so much money to cyber attacks broke Tony's heart. The next day, Tony had set up a new section on their cyber security team dedicated to educating not just children and teens, but adults, parents, and seniors too. Education was the first line of defence in this case, it was the least he could do.

And now, here they were, having a very awkward conversation about clicking links in emails.

“So, you’re saying this was sent specifically to me? To try and bait _me_ into clicking on _this link_?” Steve had asked, eyes trained on his tablet once again. His face was slowly turning more and more pink, which made Tony wish even more that he knew what the heck Steve was looking at.

“Based on the information you gave me, that's what it sounds like. If you just let me look a-"

“No!” Steve smashed the tablet against his chest.

Tony threw his hands up defensively. “I won’t do anything without your consent, Steve, but it makes it really hard to figure out if we're looking at a targeted attack on you or a general phishing campaign, and what it’s trying to do. Are we looking at ransomware or malware? Are they trying to backdoor into the SI servers? Install a keylogger-"

“Oh my God, speak English!” Steve sighed as he let his head drop in one hand as he still clutched the tablet so tightly in the other, Tony worried it was about to snap.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Tony crouched down in front of Steve. He grabbed Steve's forearm, stroking it with his thumb lightly, which made Steve tense instead of calm him as Tony hoped. He let his hand drop, wishing there was some way he could comfort Steve. “I got lost in jargon, I’m sorry. Steve, I promise, it isn’t a big deal. Your SHIELD email is locked down pretty tight, and I have everyone's WiFi isolated so whatever they tried to do? It's contained to just what’s on your tablet. It really isn’t a big deal, I’m just trying to understand so I can help _you_ understand it. I know you hate not knowing all the pieces of a puzzle.

Seriously, you should see the incident reports I get from Happy. It's basically a daily occurrence.” Steve snorted and finally looked at Tony again. “JARVIS is on it. I’m just trying to understand how I can help you with this one.”

Tony stood back up, settling back on the desk, this time sitting on it. Steve seemed to relax just a fraction. His grip on the tablet loosened enough that Tony didn’t worry about its life cycle anymore. He still seemed unsure about what to tell Tony though, but Tony didn’t push.

“It's not my work email,” Steve finally told him. “I made a generic one. To use for personal… stuff.”

“Okay, that’s good! It's probably just a generic phishing email then, since no one would know it’s you. Have you used your email to sign into anything new lately?”

Steve took in a deep breath and looked like he was about to start talking a few times but all that happened was a deeper and deeper flush overtaking his pale skin.

“I did sign up for a site. I was watching… _videos_ on there. It was a free trial thing. I didn’t have to put my credit card info in, I swear!”

Tony frowned and cocked his head to the side. “Why are you acting like your dad just caught you watching porn?” A whine escaped Steve's lips as his head dropped and Tony's frown turned to an amused chuckle. “Steve, it's okay if you were watching porn. Lots of people do it, present company included. Nothing wrong with that. I’ll make sure to hook you up with slightly more reputable sites, so you don’t get those emails again.”

Steve’s head shot up. “You don’t have to do that, really.”

“Pfft, I’m sure I can find you some 1940s themed porn somewhere, Capsicle. Barely exposed ankles. Cone shaped bras. What else did the ladies wear back then that got Steve Rogers all riled up?”

“I mean it Tony, not necessary. You said JARVIS had this contained though?”

Tony smirked, knowing Steve was trying so hard to change the subject. He knew he shouldn’t push, but the idea of knowing just what kind of R-rated fantasies stroked Steve’s fancy were too hard to pass up. “He does. Which is why we have time to talk about the kinky side of Steve Rogers right now.”

“Can't you just send me an email with all the websites?” Steve pleaded with him. “I really don’t want to discuss this with you. It's embarrassing enough having to admit I almost caused a major security incident because I was watching a gu- _people_ having sex.”

“I can, sure, but I like lots of different things, and I don’t want to freak you out, or not send you what you wanna see. Seriously, I won’t be freaked out or go blabbing to the tabloids. It’s me! Do you like, pin up gals? Body builders? I really can try to find you something from your era too if you’re feeling a little homesick. Corsets more your style? The porn world is your oyster, Steve, just need to know what my – or rather, _your_ starting point is.”

“It was a video of you!” Steve finally admitted, unable to look Tony in the eyes as the words tumbled from his lips. “Happy now?”

Tony was stunned into silence for much longer than he would have expected. Why was Steve watching him… “Huh. I’m not unhappy by this turn of events, just… I’m curious, which video was it?” Tony asked before he could reign in the words.

Steve finally met his eyes, a look of pure surprise gracing his gorgeous features. “There's more than one?” he stuttered the question, his breath speeding up just a bit Tony noticed.

Tony leaned forward a bit, arms braced against the side of the desk his legs dangled off of. “Sadly, yeah! We didn’t have the internet back in my younger days but cameras were a thing. People made copies, tried to blackmail you… you know, the original ransomware attack. The internet just made it easier.” Tony shrugged, having accepted years ago that the videos were there. A grin graced his face as he kicked Steve's leg playfully from his perch. “Spill. Which one was it?”

Steve stared at Tony for a beat before he answered. His words were slow and measured, his eyes stayed locked on Tony’s, which made him catch his breath under all that attention from Steve. “You were with a blond. Tall. He looked really good with you. Especially under you.”

“That was not the answer I was expecting,” Tony mumbled stupidly, remembering that night so well. How he had let himself fall for the beautiful blond who looked like he’d walked right out of his fantasies. The fantasy that was sitting in front of him right now.

“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me watching you… I’m not ashamed that I watch porn, but admitting I really like watching one of my best friends fuck someone that looks a whole lot like me, that felt like crossing a line we can’t really come back from.”

Tony couldn’t deny how hot the idea of Steve watching him have sex with someone else wasn’t turning him on something fierce. He swallowed hard and tried to will away the erection that was making itself known. “Were you- I mean, is that the kind of videos you normally go for? Or was that just a lucky find that you discovered you didn’t hate looking at?”

Steve bit back a smile and _boy_ did that not help the tightness in Tony’s pants. Steve stood and closed the already small gap between them easily. He placed the tablet on Tony’s lap, and quirked his eyebrow just so when he clearly noticed the effect it was having on Tony. He braced his hands on either side of Tony’s and looked leaned in so his lips were so close to Tony’s ear before he spoke again. “Look at my search history and find out.”

Tony looked down at the tablet and couldn’t help the frown that graced his brow, even as Steve pulled back to look at him, eyes dark and wanting. “You really need to use Incognito Tabs if you’re going to be-“

“Seriously, you’re still going on about that shit?” Steve teased him with a huff, as Tony grabbed the tablet.

“Yes, I’m still going on. Cyber security is important Steven. Let’s not get started on the fact there is no PIN locking this thing or biom- _oomph_.”

Tony was cut off by Steve’s lips against his own as a large, strong hand wrapped around neck and face, holding him in place. He was still for a second, shocked really, before relaxing into it, moving his lips against Steve’s, a soft, content sigh escaping him when they parted.

“That’s one way to get me to stop talking,” Tony blurted out a moment later when Steve pulled back.

“Wish I’d tried it sooner. It’s effective,” Steve replied with a grin. He took the tablet out of Tony’s hands, interrupting Tony’s protest with another kiss. “How about I spare you some time? I have a very specific type. Smart, sassy brunettes with amazing asses.”

A needy groan left Tony’s lips before he surged forward and pulled Steve in for another kiss. “I think we’re done with the security talk for today,” Tony mumbled against Steve’s shoulder as Steve’s lips and tongue roamed against his neck.

Steve was leaving filthy, wet kisses along every bit of exposed skin he could. “Good. You can stop talking nerdy to me and talk dirty instead.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! It was so fun to throw this together. And please, do be careful on the interwebz. Lots of fantastic resources out there for great cyber security advice. Please use them!!


End file.
